a place where i just talk about stuff that's going on in my life

today was... something. i had to get up really early today to go a hospital for what i thought was just gonna be a consultation for a medical thing i'm going through. i totally didn't stress the whole way there. jesus i don't know why but going to any type of medical building just stresses me the fuck out for some reason. anyway, after we got there, we had to wait a long time just to start my appointment. lets just say they did a lot to me that i didn't expect them to during that appointment

i thought they were just gonna do a couple things to me, nothing painful, just to get a better look at what was going on but i was completely wrong. they pretty much performed a kinda-surgery on me and didn't make me take anesthesia or at the very least put some local anesthesia in the area that was affected. so i was in a hell of a lot of pain throughout the entire thing

i can't really complain though, because what they did, as long as i do the self-care things they tell me to do, will help the medical thing i have heal. i really hope this stuff works

anyway, that's about it. see ya next time!

yo whattup. i finally finished all of my school stuff so that means i can actually work on the site again! however i'm prob not gonna start adding all the stuff i want to rn, since it's pretty late as i'm writing this. also, thanks for 40 followers!

anyway, i have a bunch of plans for stuff i'm gonna add, but i'm not gonna say what they are yet just in case i change my mind on any of them. i probably will be adding most of them to the site throughout the next few days

other than that, that's pretty much it for now. see ya next time!

hey everyone! just wanted to make this blog post to announce i'm gonna take a break from the site for a lil while. i gotta focus on school stuff especially since my 2nd semester is about to end in less than a month. i dunno how long this break will last, but it won't be super long. i don't really have a definite date for the end of the break. i think another reason i'm taking a break is that i don't wanna burn myself out on the site. i've been doing more work on the site than usual, so i think a break would be a good thing. i've also just ran out of ideas for now too

also, for those still wondering, i have no clue when i'm gonna start the sections page. i've considered just scrapping it since i don't really think writing articles is for me. i've had some other ideas for the sections thing but nothing's really definite right now

aaaanyway, i think that's about it. see ya next time!

(also happy hahafunny 4/20 weed day)

well damn. 30k views. never thought i'd get here!

thanks y'all for the visits and stuff. you're all pretty cool! i don't really have anything else to say, but i'm working on a new page atm. it's not anything special, but maybe you'll find it cool idk

anyway, see ya next time!

hey. this blog post is probably gonna be more of a downer since it's pretty much a vent. there's also gonna be (probably) heavy cursing in this, so sorry if you're uncomfortable with that. let's just get this over with

i've been dealing with this problem for a really long time now. i don't really know what it is exactly, if it's undiagnosed social anxiety or just me not being able to get over something that happened almost a decade ago. i struggle to talk to people. infact, i can't really talk to people at all. someone DMed me on twitter today and i couldn't even respond to them. i just chickened out. i was too afraid of saying the wrong thing. i don't know what exactly this stemmed from, but i have a good guess. in like 2013 i was on this forum and i got pretty much heavily fuckin' harassed just because i was annoying. so from then on i pretty much struggled with saying anything. although that didn't happen immediately, it only started to happen about 2 or 3 years later. anyway, i'm fuckin' tired of it. i always imagine myself talking to people and having more friends and shit and guess what? i have to imagine it because it's never gonna become true. i can never bring myself to talk to people. at all. i just fuckin stress like crazy and by the time i do respond (if i even do) it's usually been a few hours after their original message was sent. and then right after i send my response i just close discord or whatever and just think "oh what i said was stupid" and just fuckin beat myself up over it. i'm fucking tired of it. i want help. but i can't tell my parents because they aren't gonna do shit, they were raised to not believe this shit. so yeah. real shitty thing i'm going through here

besides just talking, i always keep telling myself to be a different person that i am. change my humor, things i say, abbreviate literally everything i say (ex. because becomes bcs and so on) and always try to be funny since i don't wanna come off as some super serious dude. i don't know why. this whole thing is fuckin' horrible. it's pretty much ruined my social life. my only friends rn are ones i met a long time ago before this was really a thing. and even then i struggle to talk to them sometimes. i'm sick of this shit

sorry for this being probably super jumbled up

hey everybody! just wanted to thank y'all for 30 followers!

i don't really have much else to say, but for those who wanna know, i might start work on the "sections" part of the site soon, idk. i'm probably also gonna add some more cool sites to the footer soon so stay tuned for that! i think that's all, see ya next time!

welcome back to the blog! i definitely just didn't reuse the code from the blog before the revamp. fr tho, welcome. i don't really know what i'm gonna put on here but we'll see. besides that i have nothing to say, see ya next time!